That time I went bra shopping

 I have a couple of weddings this summer, for which my step mom purchased me a beautiful dress. Yesterday, when I was all hopped up on caffeine from Starbucks at target, I came to a frightening realization: I don’t have a “good bra” to hoist the girls up with in my pretty dress.

I’m a fairly practical gal. I tend to buy some sort of cotton blend wire free bra. I may have told y’all I’m short. I’m short and round. I’m short, round and my boobs are just “meh.” You’ve known those women you see and you’re like “my God, those are fabulous.” I had a friend in college whose breasts I was in awe of. It was like that Seinfeld episode, “they’re real and they’re spectacular.” This is not the case in my situation. It’s more like they’re real and they’re there…not quite where they were 15 years ago.

So yesterday, I had a spare hour by myself and decided to look for a “good bra.” I started texting my friend  (who happened to be bra shopping too).  My fist text read, “they should make petite bras. Underwires are the devil.” I tried on every bra that said “poke free.” I expect a lot of things from my bra: comfort, support, breathe-ability. What I don’t want is two purple gouges into my sternum. Once again, I gave up on the underwire and starting looking and the wire free variety that promised removal of sideboob. 

They lie. I’m round, but not THAT round, yet, their side boob eliminating claims were false. So, so false. So, I started perusing the isles.  I found it. THE bra. It was cotton. It was soft. It was wire fee. It was fabulous. It had a little padding for some lift for the girls. I took it in to the fitting room to try it out. You understand the confidence this takes; the florecent lights, the horrid mirrors that make you look like a hobbit and knowing people know you’re in there looking for the bra of your dressy dreams. It’s a lot of pressure. 

The bra was everything Id hoped it would be. It hoisted and holstered, it was smooth. Wait? Where’d my side boob go? Then, I saw these two little clips on the strap. What the?!? I fiddled with the clip. Oh sweet fancy…it’s a NURSING BRA.  

I had visions of becoming a radical feminist (I’m already a feminist but not radical…yet) and setting ALL the bras on fire.  I guess me and my dressy sports bra will be attending the wedding Saturday. 


9 thoughts on “That time I went bra shopping”

  1. bwhahhaha! A good friend would offer to go bra shopping with you. But I am not. Because I hates it. And I turn into a not nice person when bra shopping. You should have seen me shopping for nursing bras in Target when A was in the NICU. They do not make them in my (nursing) size. My mom had to alter them so I could wear them without causing damage.


      1. My boobs were enormous, and my middle was very tiny (my normal band size is 32). I had to buy bras with larger band sizes to get the cup size big enough. Mom sewed the backs to make them smaller. I have a vague memory of going straight to the store once I was discharged and holding the cups over my boobs right there in the aisle of Target, to see what would fit. I was too weak to try them all on, plus the leaking. I seriously did not care what people thought.


  2. This is hilarious! And why can’t you wear a nursing bra? Who would know? And just think of the fun you could have with hubby later!! I say go for it!!


  3. Hehe I would never have thought to even pick up a nursing bra! That is so cool. I get mine from Lane Bryant, they make one (just one) that fits me beautifully.It has soft cups, no underwire (I am short and round too) and the sides and back are generous so they cover the side boob thing too! and the straps are wide and padded! I am a 42 DD so I need all the support I can get.


  4. This I relate to so much! I still wear a nursing bar because I like how comfortable it is for an underwire. It still amazes me that there’s one made that will be that comfy. Bra shopping turns into an aerobic workout for me, I bend, shake, jiggle, and bounce up and down until I’m happy with the end result. I always have to giggle when the sales ladies ask in a small voice if everything’s alright in there. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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