A new year always brings the cliches of “reflection” and “moving forward.” I’m prey to those old cliches as much as the next fella’. Twenty-fourteen was overall a positive year. As the hubs said, “Years that are evenly divisible by five have GOT to be good ones.” I agree.
New Year’s Eve morning found me so in love with my oldest child. I couldn’t stop looking at him, marveling at his brown eyes and beautiful lashes, finding the smattering of freckles on his nose the most gorgeous sight. I found myself looking at his lip repair scar, reminiscing on the time ten years ago I was dreading handing him over to a surgeon for the first time. I remember distinctly having friends with babies tell me how in love with their children they were. I thought they were crazy. Now I know. I get it. I’ve been thinking on BigBrudder and his strides and gains over his ten short years. I never call him an angel, because ten minutes with him and you’ll know he’s no angel. I never call him perfect; that’s a tall order to live up to. But he IS pretty awesome. And amazing. And beautiful. As is his younger brother.
You know what, though? Their mama and daddy are pretty okay too. We’re good enough. You know that meme “Worlds Okayest Mom” ? That suits me. And I’m pretty okay with that. I’m a pretty good friend; actually I’ll fight to the death for my friends so that’s a plus on my side. Most days, well three of seven, I’m a pretty good wife. I let the small things bog me down, I’m a wreck at keeping our house tidy, I can’t be bothered with ironing, but I laugh at all his stupid jokes because they truly make me laugh. All in all, we’re pretty lucky.
This year, I have big plans. Plans that may never see the actual light of day, but it feels good, really, really good, to work on something that isn’t driven by autism. It might have been born through the friendships I’ve made because of autism, but it’s not DRIVEN by it. Stay tuned my friends, if I can let go of the worry of not doing it right, it’s gonna be awesome. Or not. But, it’s gonna be good enough.